Book Review: Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

Daring Greatly is a book that really dives into a single topic, vulnerability, and asks the question: Is it really important to be vulnerable?  Let’s find out how Brené Brown’s bestseller worked out for me.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book.  I saw it on the shelves at Target along with online recommendations on what seemed like every website.  I assumed it had to be a great book with really insightful, actionable information, but it wasn’t quite what I assumed after hearing all the hype.

Brené really kicks off with some great information on the importance of vulnerability in day to day life.  She starts by outlining some key fundamentals:

1. Love and belonging are irreducible needs of all men, women, and children.  The absence of these always leads to suffering.
2. Only one variable separates those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging, and those who struggle for it: a feeling of worthiness.
3. A strong belief in our worthiness is cultivated when we understand the guideposts as choices and daily practices.
4. Those that are “wholehearted” (or vulnerable and feel worthy) identify vulnerability as the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection.

The meat of the book expands on these fundamentals with Brené’s own research and experiences, as well as those of the people she interviewed.  I found the book to be insightful, but also very padded.  When I’m reading a nonfiction book, I like to have actionable recommendations that I can put into practice in my day-to-day life.  I didn’t get much of that from Daring Greatly.

Daring Greatly does have a lot of valuable takeaways for people that are new to the idea of practicing gratitude or focusing on being emotionally transparent with the people they care about.  It has tips on how to practice gratitude, how to ensure that you focus on feeling guilty instead of ashamed (“I did a bad thing” instead of “I am bad”), and who to open up to and when.  A key point is that we should see being vulnerable as a signal of strength, not weakness.

I think the biggest takeaway for me, and the point I’d like to pass along to you, can be gleaned from a quote at the beginning of Chapter 4: The Vulnerability Armory, where Brené speaks to the vulnerability paradox.  The perspective of people today is this: “vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you”.  I don’t think anyone can deny that this is an extremely common mindset – heck, even I think this way sometimes.  So knowing that we expect such a double standard, what can we do to improve?

Vulnerability is transactional.  Don’t hold other people to a standard that you won’t hold for yourself!  Be open and vulnerable with those that have earned it and will give you the same.

There were parts of the book that I didn’t agree with, but these were relatively rare. Overall, the book was good but not the grand slam everyone made it seem to be.  It’s definitely a good read for those that aren’t actively practicing gratitude and focusing on people and experiences instead of things, but if you’re already focusing on those things this can be marked as a pass.

Wrapping up the “Daring Greatly” Review: Recommended?  It Depends.

If you’re new to the idea of practicing gratitude and being open with your feelings and experiences with others, this may be an interesting read for you.

If you want actionable tips on how to be better but are already familiar with gratitude and showing people around you that you care, this book has a lot of filler that won’t really challenge you to do more.  It’s an interesting read, but there are probably better books to give your time.