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Dads (or anyone strapped for time, really) – do you feel like finding time is always a struggle? Maybe you have a kiddo that needs all your time and energy…or maybe you have 2, 3, or even more (!!!). With all the responsibilities that come with parenting, how can anyone find time to pursue their own passions and hobbies?
The Struggle of Parenting Productively
I want to start off with the fact that my kids are the light of my life, but I feel this! As a parent of 3 kids (one 3, one 9, and one 18), their ages run across the spectrum but are no less demanding because of it. I have plenty of activities with for my 3 year old – gymnastics, coaching tee ball and eventually soccer, plans to teach her guitar, and surviving life with a 3 year old. My 9 year old lives with us part time, but I also try to get to as many of her events as I can, like art shows and school recitals. And my 18 year old…well, he’s angsty, emo, has crazy emotional ups and downs, and spends a lot of time in his room. Typical teenager stuff.
While the majority of time goes to the kids in some way, I also focus on spending quality time with my wife. I definitely feel that kids live with you temporarily (18 years, but still), and while they’ll always love us, they’ll move on to experience their own independence and eventually start a family. The one relationship that will be there as I grow old is between me and my wife – that means she deserves a lot of my attention as well!
So where does that leave time for personal endeavors and hobbies? Whether you’re like me and want to accomplish all the things or you just want time to relax and enjoy the breeze, chances are pretty high that free time is a scarce commodity if you have kids.
Finding Time For Your Passions Before Having Kids
Before my (amazing!) kids were in my life, I had a lot of time to do whatever came to mind at the moment. I was able to go to the gym whenever I wanted. I’d spend hours writing and learning complex songs on guitar. I could go on video game binges, whether that be marathoning Titanfall on release for 8 hours at a time or losing myself in the story of Geralt of Rivia in The Witcher for an entire weekend. I’d even indulge in the occasional night out to have some drinks with friends.
You probably had a similar experience before starting a family – our burden was having too much time to deal with. Once my kids were in the picture, though, my priorities quickly shifted.
Finding Time For Your Passions After Having Kids
My kids are the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s cliche, I know, but it’s true. They did force a really significant change, though: I took on a LOT of added responsibility and had to think about more than myself. I was no longer able to do what I wanted, whenever I wanted, without considering my family. It took a while to figure out ways to find time to pursue the things I really wanted that weren’t directly involved with my family. There were a lot of moments where I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure it out, or felt guilty because I missed and wanted more time to focus on myself and the things that provide the satisfaction of personal improvement and overcoming a challenge. I did figure it out, though. It all changed when I built a schedule and set priorities for myself.
Finding Time By Prioritizing
Saying “I don’t have time” is the same as saying “it isn’t a priority to me”.
I love this saying and wholeheartedly believe it. We find a way to make time for the things that we prioritize, intentionally or not. What do you do when you have a few minutes of down time? Do you browse Reddit when the kids’ attention is on something else? Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.? What about when the kids go to bed – do you make good use of that time and pursue those passions? Or do you watch a random show, scroll on social, then crash?
Whatever we actually spend our time doing is what’s important to us, and saying otherwise is just trying to make ourselves feel better. If you’re brave, you might take a look at your screen time on your phone – how much time to you spend looking at your favorite time wasters? it’s not unheard of to see 2, 4, or even 6 hours a day! Whatever you see there, that’s where you prioritize your time. That’s what you value.
But let’s say that you don’t do any of those things and are still strapped for time. What can you do?
Finding Time = Making Time
If you really want to find the time for something, you’ll find a way. I have a number of things I like to do every day, but without planning my days there’s no way I’d be able to accomplish them. Let’s go through where I fit these activities each day as an example.
- 5 am: Wake up and head downstairs to work out in my home gym (check out our guide on how to build your own if you’re interested)
- Blog/Youtube work/Reading: Lunch break/naptime/after the kids’ bedtime (9 pm)
- Video games: After the kids’ bedtime or playing them together (gaming together on the Nintendo Switch is a great way to get this in while bonding with the kids at the same time!)
- Romantic time with my wife: Scheduled date nights! Note that “date night” doesn’t necessarily mean that we go out for dinner, dancing, or a movie. We don’t have much of a support structure when it comes to people willing to take the kids and sitters are in relatively short supply, so we changed it up. Instead, we:
- Have movie nights in our home theater
- Learn piano together
- Enjoy quiet time on the deck to talk and look at the stars
You might say that adhering to a schedule for your “fun stuff” sounds pretty restricting, and I would have agreed with you at the start. What’s funny about it, though, is that I actually felt more freedom once I put these routines in place because I know that I’ll get around to the things I want to.
How Do You Keep That Up?
Waking up at 5am every day is absolutely and entirely the key to feeling like I have enough time to do all I want. The hour and a half from 5:00am-6:30am is time that I have complete control over without distractions. Surprisingly, when I sleep even until 6:00am I feel like my day is shot! What can I say? I love routines.
I find that the biggest factor of success for me is having something that gets me UP in the morning. For me that’s a genuine excitement for my morning workout (and the delicious pre-workout I take prior), but it could be anything for you – the perfect cup of fresh coffee, your favorite breakfast…anything!
Whatever it is that you can find to help yourself get out of bed early to start the day and recapture that time, use it. Once you get into the habit, waking up early is something you’ll look forward to every day because that’s what provides you with real balance – between family time, partner time, and personal time.
I’m a firm believer that without balance, everything falls apart. So do yourself a favor and make the time. It will be transition at first, but you’ll be happier once you settle in and find that you can still do everything you want.
Conclusion
A lot of people will say that you should focus on others before yourself. While I agree that focusing on those relationships and the development of your kids should come first if you have a family, you’re doomed to fail if you forget about yourself. After all, how can you be a good partner or parent if you can’t find time to enjoy the hobbies and passions that make you who you are?
Let’s take one last look at my recommendations for finding time in a hectic schedule:
- Prioritize what’s important to you. Take inventory of where you’re spending your time, and be honest with yourself. If it isn’t matching up with what you say, change it.
- Build a schedule for your day and stick to it. Ignore the distractions and give yourself the time to do what you’ve been wanting to do.
- Wake up earlier! I wake up between 4:30am and 5:00am and this is just (chef’s kiss) perfect. The specific time may differ for you, but the point is that you have complete control of your time when everyone is asleep. Take advantage of that!
My recommendations for finding time require what may seem like a sacrifice at first, but if you build a plan, stick to it, and make it a routine I guarantee that you’ll be much closer to finding a healthy balance between relationships, parenting, and your personal time.
